Recovering Value of Family

By Yoon Sung-min

In a Father's day speech at a church in Chicago's South Side, U.S. President Barack Obama spoke about the value of family. He stated that ``of all the rocks upon which we build our lives, we are reminded today that family is the most important."

By introducing his personal experiences with his parents and his two daughters, he emphasized the roles of parents in shaping good lives for their children and allows us to recognize the strong value of family in our lives.

Throughout human history, no one can deny the fact that the concept of family has been a basic but important social system for all of humankind. We are provided with comfort and rest through family. Like a fortress, a family protects us from outside dangers. Family is not conditional or calculating.

This is a prominent difference between the system of family and the other systems. The principle of success does not work within the family, but rather outside. Whether we succeed or not, we are just accepted as children or parents. Although society rejects a failure, a wholesome family embraces him or her. This is what we call family.

Surprisingly, family can easily be a ground for hatred and/or dispute. It seems that both love and hatred stems from the same origin. Family members should accept and love each other. On the contrary, they can also hate or hurt each other. Lamentably, a family can ignore each other while giving up both love and hatred.

Generally speaking, the opposite word of love is not hatred but, rather, ignorance. On the hatred level, we still hold interests and expectations. However on being ignorant, no one hates or expects anything from each other. We just live our lives like strangers, while not being troubled with one another. This is far from conciliation and generosity. Ignorance may be a defense mechanism to protect the ego from anger and despair. Otherwise, the ego is unable to tolerate such pains and wounds.

Prevention is the best prescriptive measure to protect us from either hatred or ignorance. We should do something to save our family: endeavor and sacrifice. To attempt an endeavor, and make a sacrifice, communication is placed as a top priority. Communication has a similar function, just like blood is to our relationship.

As the body needs blood for maintaining life, relationships require communication. In any relationship, problematic communication results in its death. We misunderstand communication as giving orders or to command. This is not clear. Experts define communication as listening to others with nonjudgmental attitudes and genuine empathy.

On the other hand, in order to save our relationships, we should be equipped with concession and patience. Concession is the action of willingly conceding ourselves for other's benefits. Patience is to put up with others' faults. These two virtues are the best antidotes to prevent family from breeding hatred and ignorance. These are achievable with our efforts. Hatred comes from greed while ignorance stems from impatience.

A family's role serves as a testing ground for building good character. How we talk and behave within the family is presented to the outside world. Furthermore, we should embrace our family members who have gotten hurt and failed outside.

Family should adapt a so-called role of a ``field hospital" where there is a healing and comforting presence to other family members. If we are not cured properly or even wounded by the family, we are unable to work or fight in the real world.

I argue that we rekindle the values of family at this critical moment in time. We have the key to open the door either to heaven or to hell. The path of our family relies upon this determination. The choice is ours.

The Koreatimes, 07-24-2009